19 February 2014

The rise and fall of Precious First Born Syndrome


I recently read on a forum a list of ridiculous things people admitted to doing for their "Precious First Born" (PFB). It made me laugh in that manic way that things can make you laugh when you're exhausted and a bit stressed. The kind of insane laughter that teeters on the edge of breaking down in tears.

Some examples were: "we microwaved cucumber so it wasn't too cold for him". I was literally wetting myself at the insane things people do for their PFBs... Whilst microwaving Boy1's shredded wheat for exactly 12 seconds to make the milk room temperature*...  

Another one I laughed at was a couple who had made the babysitter practice the PFB's favourite lullaby before they left for the evening. B1&2's Grandma and Granddad will probably always remember the day we not only taught them B1's special bedtime song and made them practice, but wrote down the words AND tune too in case they forgot it! 

It's hard to admit but... My name is Amy and I suffered from Precious First Born Syndrome. 

Luckily I have now got a "Neglected Second Born" to cure me of this nonsense. Here's a quick run down of the differences between Precious First Borns and Neglected Second Borns...


PFB on 2 play mats with 75 toys
NSB on the table



















Nappy changing:

PFB: Cooled (but still warm) boiled water with cotton wool balls.
NSB: any old wet wipes you can find, even ones you just used to wipe beans off a toddler's face.

Bath time

PFB: A carefully prepared baby bath of exactly 37 degrees with no bubbles (to avoid affecting their sensitive skin). Bathed every other day without fail.
NSB: Dunked in sibling's bath regardless of temperature or toxic bubble bath. Bathed once or twice a week max.

Clothes

PFB: NEW (as in we actually paid for them). Matching (as in, he had outfits that were planned to look cute). Changed every morning and every evening (day time clothes for day time, night time clothes for night time).
NSB: Exclusively dressed in hand me downs. Looks like I chose his clothes in the dark (because I did). If it ain't pooed, sicked or wee'd on it doesn't need changing.

Feeding

PFB: When breastfeeding a religiously kept notebook containing last feed, duration of feed and which boob went first.
NSB: No idea if, when or for how long I last fed him but he's not currently crying or emaciated so probably fine.

Poo

PFB: Every nappy analysed meticulously for size, colour and consistency. Compared with photos online for 'normal baby poo'.
NSB: Nappies are disposed of, quickly, to avoid toddler investigations.


*Although Boy2 has helped drastically cut down the symptoms of PFB syndrome, I do still actually microwave Boy1's cereal because I think 'he prefers it that way'. Yes. I'm mental. But I bet you are too!!!



MAD Blog Awards

18 comments:

  1. haha I read that forum too and saw so many similarities to us when Monkey was little! We aren't as bad as we used to be but that's definitely one of the reasons we want a second child - we don't want pfb syndrome to continue until Monkey is an adult - not healthy! We still don't flush the loo at night in case it wakes Monkey up! He he great post :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh god... We don't either!!
    Thanks for commenting :) glad you liked it! X

    ReplyDelete
  3. pahahaha - very funny! Does that really exist... now I know why I don't ever bother going on parenting forums! lol xx Good luck in the MADs missus xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hilarious! And oh so true!! T never gets bathed, wears hand me down clothes as much as possible & we never used cotton wool!! x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thanks! And yeah, don't read them, they're nonsense! Except for blogspiration... Yep just made up a word. This is the kind of genius I should be getting an award for!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh glad I'm not the only one! Had visions of being called a terrible mother while writing this!

    ReplyDelete
  7. So funny my second is a girl (first a boy) and still gets hand me downs the dresses from god knows where half the time I spent a fortune in number 1s lessons and social life and poor little girl gets trips to preschool and his playdates keep meaning to do better but she's fab and I only get distracted by the first one ;) x x

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love it! Def the same here. MY PFB slept in cashmere, right lighting, right temperature...you get the picture. But once with my NSB, I was putting the washing away in my bedroom when something moved out of the corner of my eye and scared the life out of me! It was my NSB who I must have put down in the moses basket to do something, she went to sleep and I forgot about her. She was in her coat, blinds up, windows open. Forget about the PFB for even a second? NEVER! Oh dear bad mummy!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lol! Cashmere :) I could write about 10 more posts about this from all the comments I've had since writing it! In fact I just saw a PFB being put in a swing with a cushion in it!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thank you! :) xx

    ReplyDelete
  11. Jocelyn (@ReadingRes)15 April 2014 at 02:35

    You had me at that photo! Laughing so much at that, struggled to get to the words! I don't think I quite had PFB syndrome as baldy as you, but there is no doubt that things were done more carefully and thoughtfully with my daughter than with my son. You do become so much more relaxed with your second. they'r loved equally, though, so where's the issue?! Thanks for sharing with #TheThemeGame x

    ReplyDelete
  12. hahahahahaha, this is all so true. I still microwave first boy's porridge. He doesn't eat it. Second child gets food served up at whatever temperature it is in the packet. She eats it all.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ha! Ha! Yes, recognise much of that. I did briefly feel guilty about my son losing out but reality kicked in and I realised that I just didn't have the time :-) Thanks for sharing with #TheThemeGame

    ReplyDelete
  14. Ha! This is hilarious and soooo true. PFB - baby massage, baby sensory, baby rhymetime, baby storytime. NSB - carseat whilst PFB does toddler group. Sob! #themegame

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is just hilarious! My midwife actually had hysterics when she saw me microwaving water for cleaning our baby's bum so that it was just the right temperature...I can't see me doing this for number 2..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hehe nope! No time for warm bums on number 2! :) x

      Delete
  16. Literally cried with laughter reading this!! It's so on point Ahaha! X

    ReplyDelete

CUSTOM BLOG DESIGN BY PRETTYWILDTHINGS