14 March 2014

Dr Pepper Parenting: What's the worst that could happen?



BoyDad had to go away last week on important beer brewing business, so I was left alone with the boys for my first extended period of time. He kindly made a batch of meals for us before he left so we were stocked up and I wouldn't need to cook. We washed the boys really well the night before he left so I could avoid bathtime and hr even emptied the bin for me. I was good to go. 2boys, 1mum, 3 days: 

what's the worst that could happen? 


Well.... quite a lot apparently...

1. My special "Wednesday morning" friend who I see EVERY Wednesday morning at playgroup and who helps me with the boys and makes me tea and understands when I have weetabix in my bra could go ON HOLIDAY without telling me! Leaving me alone at play group with Boy1 rubbing cooked pasta in his hair while I sat 10 feet away unable to intervene. 


(Learning to climb the slide whilst locked out of his house)


2. We could then realise that we are locked out of the house (with no cash or cards) because BoyDad took both sets of house keys and left the credit card on the side in the kitchen. 
Yep. Locked out. Without food or water. At lunchtime. With 2 babies. 


3. Once we eventually get inside (thanks Dad!) this could happen while I'm trying to get a screechy toddler lunch one handed while holding an unputdownable baby:

(Yes that's spilled milk. No I didn't cry, but it was pretty close!)

4. Boy1 could tip a bowl of lasagne onto the cream carpet while I'm feeding Boy2.

5 Boy2 could be sick for the first time in 4 weeks. It could go all over me and the sofa. Then Boy2 could sit in the sick when I go to get a cloth. What is with toddlers?

Thanks baby.


6. At bedtime they could both suddenly become devastatingly distraught about NOTHING and Boy1 could refuse to stop crying until Boy2 stopped crying... Which turned out to be never. They settled themselves into a vicious crying cycle until I had to humiliatingly beg my next door neighbours to look after the baby so we couldn't hear him cry.  

"Why are we crying?" "I dunno but I'm not stopping til you do!"

7. The baby could eventually stop crying, but not sleep until midnight demanding my full attention at all times. 

8. Boy1 could stand in fox poo in his new shoes which luckily didn't get on the carpet but did stink out the entire house for days!

9. Boy1 could REFUSE HIS NAP. 

REFUSE. HIS. NAP!!!

I can handle spilled milk, fox poo making me wretch over my cornflakes, sleep deprivation and humiliation... but I cannot cope without Boy1's nap! 


10. Oh! and because bad things apparently come in 10s not 3s... my favourite mug, with Boy1's baby handprint on got chipped!


Total hours flying solo: 60
Total tears: 12 thousand
Total spilled drinks: 4
Total packets of fun size maltesers consumed: 12
Total cups of tea consumed: 0
Total baths or showers: 0
Total texts to BoyDad containing at least one sad face: 14

So if you're nervous about looking after your children on your own for the first time, my top tip is to document all the crap that happens so you have something to laugh over in the future. This was 8 days ago now... I'm NEARLY recovered enough to laugh about it. Nearly.



Post Comment Love

10 comments:

  1. oh my god lol. What an ordeal!!! I'm fortunate enough to just have one to deal with and she's only 10 weeks old so she doesn't do much but my partner is in the navy and he's been away for a month!

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  2. Toby Goes Bananas14 March 2014 at 06:10

    Oh dear - you did better than me though. When Toby's dad went away for the weekend, I had a complete meltdown and convinced myself I had post-natal depression! (I'm fine now though!) It's hard enough on my own with one so I think you did a fantastic job with two of them (despite a bit of spilled milk) x

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  3. OMG. That sounds like hell. I really, really feel for you! I hope you don't have time solo-parenting in a while! x

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  4. Aww that must be hard! I bet he misses you both so much too! :) x

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  5. Oh I had one of them too but it wasn't funny so I didn't put it in the blog! :)

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  6. Thanks Donna, unfortunately it's going to be a regular thing! He's away again already! I'm sort of getting used to it. (Not really... Still freaking out quite regularly!) x

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  7. Oh my word what a tough few days! I'd be balling my eyes out especially the screaming crying that would've broke me totally! High fives Mumma you did good!xx

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  8. Thanks!! I dunno about doing good though! In that I didn't run away and abandon them I suppose I did pretty well! :) x

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  9. Victoria Welton23 March 2014 at 01:45

    Why oh why does it always happen when your OH goes away!! What a nightmare! Definitely Sod's law! Thank you for linking to PoCoLo x

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  10. Thanks :)

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