27 May 2014

Help my house is a toddler!

Y'know how dog owners start to look like their dogs? I think a similar thing is happening to my house.

Since owning a toddler, the house has started to take on toddler characteristics! I have noted a few of the similarities below:

It requires expert negotiation to complete a simple task.

Turning the tv over is now just as tricky as getting the boy to put his shoes on.
Me: Let's put your shoes on!
Him: .....
Me: Which shoes are you going to wear?
Him: Nope
Me: That wasn't a 'nope' question. Can you put your shoes on before this song finishes?
Him: Ooh look! A spade!
Me: Hm, I'm not sure... is it a wellies day or a "sunny day shoes" day?
Him: Oooh! Wellies on!

Me: menu button
It: .....
Me: menu button. menu button. menu button.
It: Nope
Me: mute. mute. mute. menu button?
It: Channel 64?
Me: Volume up.  Mute. Mute. Menu button
It: Ooh menu! 


It plays up at bedtime. 

The microwave has a "just before bed" mischievous streak just like the toddler.
Me: Love you. Night night.
Him: Look! I can jump on my bed!

Me: Thanks for warming the milk. Night night.
It: Look! I can turn myself on and microwave the air!

It doesn't have full control of its water pipes. 

Toddler: Wee's on floor when naked.
Kitchen tap: Leaks into the sink after it had been turned off. 

The slightest change to routine throws it off course for days.

The toddler and shower will make you rue the day you did something slightly out of the norm!
Me: Let's have dinner in the garden before bed
Him: Yay! Different is cool!
Me: Ok. Now it's bedtime.

Me: Let's have a cool shower today because it's hot.
It: Yay! Cool is cool
Me: Ok, let's get back to normal with a hot shower.
It: HELL NO!  I shall boil and freeze you randomly for 3 days! 

Living with a toddler is bad enough without having to live IN one as well! Think we'll sell up before the teenage years hit!


  1. Haha I love this. Does your house want to do a playdate with my house - it has tantrums and looks knackered by the end of the day xx

    1. lol yes! They sound like they'd be bff's! xx

  2. Brilliant, Amy! Your evil shower! I love the pictures you do on your posts. I wish I could do it - yes, it may be easy, but I still have the aptitude of a fish and no time to sort it out. I can comment on your lovely blog in the depths of the night but not work out New Tech. That self-microwave bit is hilarious, if a little unnerving...!x

    1. Thanks Jess :) I will teach you at Britmums... oh no I won't cos I can't go and you'll be too busy having fun without me! Waaah! xx

  3. Great concept. Sounds similar to my house - especially the remote and the drippy tap. Grrrrrrr! So annoying and just another thing to have a tantrum over. Opps. I appear to be turning into a toddler too... x

    1. I nearly cried over the remote just now. It was a desperate "Mr Tumble now" situation and the bloody telly took 3 WHOLE MINUTES to respond. x