8 May 2014

Weddings with babies


The low-down on attending weddings BEFORE and AFTER babies...

The planning...

Ooh. What shall I wear? I might go shopping! Better check your suit still fits eh?
Ergh, what can I wear to hide my post baby belly AND breastfeed in without scaring elderly uncles? 
What can the kids wear? Are trainers acceptable for a 2 year old? Why do baby clothes cost as much as adult clothes? 

Oh quick, book a hotel room! One within taxi distance of the reception. We can't DRIVE back!? 
Can we afford 2 hotel rooms? One for me and the baby, one for you and the toddler? No.
Shall we drive up for his nap time and drive back at bedtime? Ergh.
Can your parents babysit? What time does the reception start? Are kids even allowed? 

What shall we get them for a present? Let's make a scrapbook of all the things we've done with them to show them we REALLY care.
Get the 2nd cheapest thing on the wedding list. 

The night before...

Do not disturb, I shall be shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, painting fingernails (and toenails!) and double checking my outfit.
Shit! It's TOMORROW! I haven't shaved my legs in 3 months. Do I even OWN make up anymore? I really have to AT LEAST wash my hair before we go.

Don't forget to pack...

Wedding gift. Wedding card. Cash for the bar. Lipstick and hair spray to stay looking fresh in ALL the photos. Flats in case the heels hurt. (Shove everything into a stupidly small clutch bag bought to match the new outfit)

Wedding gift. Wedding card. Cash for the bar. Muslins. Nappies. 4 changes of clothes for each child. Flats because you no longer own heels. Toys. Books. Baby wipes. Bottles. Baby carrier. Snacks. Buggy. Sun-cream. Sun hats. Waterproofs. Pyjamas. Blankets. Change mat. Breast pads. Nappy cream. Nappy bags. Hand sanitiser. (Easily fit all this into the change bag and hang if off the wedmobile.)

The wedmobile. Heavy laden with wedssentials.

On the day...

Get me a tissue would you? I always cry at this bit.
Oh he's singing, take him out he's a bit disruptive... Ah. Not as disruptive as a crying baby though... We'll just be outside...

Sitting on the ground, breastfeeding and playing with Boy1 while a lovely romantic ceremony takes place nearby.
Let's not get TOO drunk before the dinner, sometimes there's no food for several hours at these things. 
Don't let the other Mums see me drinking this champagne and breastfeeding, they'll totally judge me!

Struggling at the buffet carrying a stupid clutch bag and 2 glasses of free Champers.
Struggling at the buffet carrying a wriggling baby and trying to stop the toddler pull the tablecloth.

Getting bored telling elderly relatives about being a nurse and yes, how it is challenging but so rewarding.
Getting bored telling elderly relatives that the baby is X months old and yes, he can hold his head well can't he?

Go home...

Drunk, exhausted and with pockets full of cake. 
Exhausted and with pockets full of cake.

Next day...

Lie in, big fried breakfast to stave off the inevitable hangover. 
Up at 5am because the change to their routine has totally thrown the kids' body clocks. 

On the plus side...Baby carriers double as pint glass holders if you try hard enough and very small babies MIGHT sleep through the disco. If you're lucky!


  1. You never fail to make me laugh!! I'm loving that last picture, very inventive!

    We've got a wedding in October, at the other end of the country (nearly!). Woody will be nearly 10 months and we'll have our 6 year old too. I'm betting an early taxi back to the rental cottage that night!

  2. Love that last photo! So true, we've been to a couple of weddings with little ones and it's not been fun at all, far too stressful. Much better when they aren't invited so you don't feel too bad leaving them with loving grandparents!

  3. I LOATHE weddings with children. This is a very funny post as always - but it is not funny to live through a wedding with 3 kids, or even one. We did one a few weeks ago where the baby excelled himself by projectile vomiting in the library, right in front of this posh old guy. Miraculously he failed to hit my dress though, and my hubs was on early shift so he had to sit upstairs with him, hehe. Loving your work, Amy! x

  4. TwoBoysOneMum8 May 2014 at 13:55

    Lol well done baby! Boy2 has been a bit of a ledge so far. He slept through me dancing all night with him in the carrier for his 1st wedding. But stayed awake ALLLL night at the 2nd! Rude of him frankly. We're told the next one has a bouncy castle so watch this space for blogs about broken arms! X

  5. TwoBoysOneMum8 May 2014 at 13:56

    Hehe thanks. Yes it's nice to leave them behind but they don't half look cute all dressed up and they do have a lovely time being cooed over and eating cake! :)

  6. TwoBoysOneMum8 May 2014 at 13:58

    Ohh we haven't had a 10 month old at a wedding yet!! Sounds exhausting!! Good luck! :) xx

  7. Ha ha - the most fun yet most dangerous thing ever, perfect! Won't make up for it being on BritMumsLive day though...WAIL! Wanna meet you! Even if you can't drink!x

  8. TwoBoysOneMum9 May 2014 at 05:30

    I know right? Who needs to see loved ones and have a wonderful time when you could be meeting strangers from Twitter? (Seriously)

  9. Loving your inventive use of the baby sling. I too have been know to stash all sorts in there. Glasses, cake, wedding favours. Genius! Great post as always mama xx

  10. PS loving the new look. V. Posh. How DID you do that header?! Seriously impressed. x

    1. Aw thanks! Did the letters on an app on my phone. Then messed around with them on picmonkey :) I'm making social media buttons too! (Not so confident they'll work!) x

  11. So funny and true as always! I too have used the sling to stash stuff at a wedding.Glasses, cake, favours. So useful! PS loving the new look. x

  12. I can REALLY relate to this! We've been to two weddings in the past 2 months and they are so exhausting with babies and toddlers and the priorities are so much different! You are rocking the carried/wedding combo! x