24 November 2014

Mum's Christmas List

Dear Santa (beloved relatives and friends),

I have been extremely good this year, putting up with a lot of shit (both literally and figuratively) from my children without ONCE going on a killing rampage or leaving the kids in a cardboard box by the church door. 

This year, for the love of all that is festive, PLEASE don't get me anymore sodding bubble bath. I still haven't opened the 17 bottles I got at the birth of my first child. I know people mean well but unless you're going to come and take BOTH my children out of the house for an hour when I want a bath, you may as we'll not bother! 

So now we know where we stand on bubble bath, here is a list of things I have been coveting recently from the only friends I have, Cbeebies characters.

1. Grandpa's Shrinking Cap
Lucky old Grandpa, he just gets to tootle off to be tiny and magical whenever he fancies and no one ever screams "WHERE HAVE YOU GONE?" as soon as he leaves the room. Oh for that ability to disappear! I would use the shrinking cap mostly to hide from my children, and occasionally to freak them out by flying their retro fisher price plane. 

2. Upsy Daisy's Skirt
The skirt of all skirts. Why oh why haven't H&M introduced an inflatable skirt for AU14? It moves so nicely when she dances! I think it would really cheer up a miserable afternoon in the park if I could inflate my skirt.

3. Mr Maker's air miles.
This year for some unknown reason, several Cbeebies shows went "out and about"... Katie from 'I can cook' got a campervan, Mr Bloom got to visit some allotments in Leicester.. How the hell did Mr Maker convince the producers that his "making shit out of cardboard and glue" programme would benefit from him FLYING ROUND THE WORLD?! He must've clocked up a few air miles this year. I could make good use of those escaping my children for a weekend in Prague!

4. Topsy and Tim's Mum's interior designer.
Admittedly, they've been living in that house for several months and there are STILL paint testers on the living room wall, but they've done a fine job on the kids' rooms. I particularly envy Topsy's pirate wallpaper. Someone please come and decorate our new house like that. (If we ever get our bloody new house!)

5. Judy from the Tweenies' patience.
Christ that woman can put up with anything! Bella's voice makes me want to claw my own eyes out with my toes after 15 seconds of the intro song and Judy manages to not only NOT kill Bella, but also remain calm and poised during a full on Bella meltdown. Even when she SINGS. I would give anything to have as much patience as Judy Tweenie. She is a god amongst yellow felt-headed women.

6. Mr Tumble's Spotty Bag
I need a new change bag as the free one I got from Boots 2 1/2 years ago has finally disintegrated from too many soggy ricecakes and spilled fruitshoots. While the yellow spotty look isn't my fave aesthetically, you've got to admit it'd be handy to teleport stuff through your bag. 
Y'know, for when you've left any essential items at home...


  1. I would LOVE that shrinking cap too, imagine the fun it would be! Love your post :)

    1. I know right!! Totally wish I could fly toy planes!!

  2. You are hilarious. I love your photoshop skills! x

    1. Thanks Donna! It's basically all done on 2 apps on my phone :)

  3. I love this post and can relate to all of the above. I'd add Mr Bloom's gardening skills to my list. Actually, just Mr Bloom would do ;-)... x

    1. Lol, sorry only just seen this Jude. I used to have a thing for Mr B, til I realised he's not northern and now his fake northerness drives me MENTAL. But not as mental as Mr Maker, smug bastard glueing toilet rolls together in Vietnam.

  4. It is a measure of how little things really change that even though we didn't have any of these shows here when my children were growing up - and we don't have them here now that they ARE grown up - I can completely understand this post without knowing. Your pictures, by the way, are terrific. And I definitely want an inflatable skirt. The one thing am curious about is what a fruitshoot is. I have visions of squirtguns and jam....

    1. Haha! I'm glad it's relatable even if you don't know cbeebies! Thanks for reading and commenting :)
      A fruit shoot is a little bottle of squash that they sell everywhere you go for 4000 times the price of a cup of squash. It's too sweet and tastes awful but kids adore them obviously! :) x