9 August 2016

Breastfeeding for Toddlers 101

This is a post I wrote 18 months ago when just coming to the end of breastfeeding my second baby. I never got round to publishing it... maybe he stopped feeding before I got round to it and it didn't seem relevant any more... but reading it has brought back so many memories; I had forgotten how much nursing babies like to touch your boobs even when they're not feeding!!! It's nearly time for me to dig out the clothes with boob flaps again! 


Just turned one? Well I've got news for you... those magic milk boobs ain't just for babies! Now you're a big kid you've just got to change your style a bit.

Here's how to breastfeed like a bonafide toddler...

Breastfeeding for Toddlers 101


1. You're the Boss

Demand milk by forcibly removing any items of clothing in your way. Don't be deterred by jumpers, buttons, or multiple layers. No matter how hard she tries to hide them, those boobs are still there. When you want milk, you get milk and if it's not forthcoming, just rip your way in, use your teeth if you have to!


2. The Freak Out

Just when she starts moaning about not being able to wear normal bras, and wanting having her body to herself again, call her bluff by refusing to feed for 48 hours. Watch her breakdown and cry as she realises you're no longer 'her baby'.

3. The Prodigal Son

Then the day she starts to wear normal clothes without feeding flaps, and a bra with no openings, start to demand to feed again 5 times a day. You've got to keep her on her toes people. Study her face for the totally confused feelings of relief that her nursling baby is back, and despair that her nice bra has to go back into storage.


4. Get Handsy

Even when you no longer feed during the day, boobs are still nice. And still YOURS. Every cuddle, every carry, every pick up, slip your hand expertly into her top and grab a fistful of boob. Every time. Don't be put off by the constant removal of your hand and the half hearted 'stern' voice she tries to use. You're the boob boss around here!

5. Snacktime Funtime

Breastmilk is basically just a super fun snack now. Only feed for moments at a time, inbetween putting your fingers up her nose, grinning up at her, pulling her hair, pinching that bit of flabby tummy she doesn't like you touching. Essentially, just muck about. While you're sort-of-half-feeding she can't do aaaanything else, so take your time and enjoy her undivided attention. 


6. Boobnastics

Now you can walk, climb and do gymnastics, why not mix up the breastfeeding positions a bit. Try standing on the sofa, sitting up straight on her lap, upside-down on a beanbag? You name it, you can try it.

7. Monkey see Monkey drink

Any time there is so much as 1/2cm of cleavage on display forget about everything else in the world and rekindle your total obsession with boobs. This is especially fun at the swimming pool. Try with all your might to expose both boobs at the same time in the pool. Then, sneakily latch on when she's brushing her hair or trying to get you dressed after a swim.


Now please excuse me while I spend the next few weeks relishing the fact my bras don't have openings, my clothes aren't entirely designed for boob access and neither of my children are inclined grab my boobs on a regular basis!

2 comments:

  1. Haha, so true! I've now been wearing nursing bras for over 4.5 years solid and while they are comfy I do miss being able to wear a bra that actually offers some support! And the boob grabbing, my 4yo only feeds for a few seconds a day if that now but will happily sick ENTIRE HEAD down my top, which is especially embarrassing when my big brother is visiting! Treasure this precious time of normal bras and minimal grabbing!!

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  2. Haha I love this post so much! I've got all this to come, yay ;)

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